>Mmmmmm. If you had asked me that question even 5 days ago, I would have answered (rather smugly too, I think), well, of course! Back to mmmmm. This week at work and in the recording studio, was extremely revealing to me about my personal pysche. My feelings and moods are clearly and totally influenced by the comments and events that take place around me and about me. I am not in control of my feelings at all and I am not choosing how I feel! What?!!@!? I mean, I do have a backbone and very strong opinions and very strong ideas and…blah, blah, blah. Maybe sometimes I do. This week, I did not. Many other times, I have not. And, it has injured my soul. My actual living, breathing, vibrant, beautiful soul. That internal piece of me that is such a precious gift from God that no one has the right to get near, unless I allow them to-and apparently I offered up my soul on a silver platter for viewing and commentary and judgement. I have been doing this sort of thing more and more and let me tell you, it ain’t workin’. What am I doing? Is this living? Is this the example I want to set for my son? Why am I not doing what I am supposed to be doing? Why am I not believing in myself? Fear? Fear of what? That I will be judged or found out? Its already happening because I am allowing it! So, why not do what I love-do what is my destiny-singing and performing and writing and know that the money and responsibilities will be met. Is that the key? Simply an innate knowing and believing that it will work out? That is what “The Secret” says to do. Do what you are supposed to do and the rest will work itself out. I remember a time in my life when it seemed easy to think that way. Now, with a husband and a baby and a mortgage, it seems so much harder to do that. Other people are relying on me. Other people are counting on me. And that’s what makes this so important! I must do what I am destined to do so that I can take care of my family both financially and spiritually. Have I hit on the answer? I believe I have. Mmmmm.
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